


it's a fashion with a gun, my love

by Mychelle_Wilmot



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, DS9 Novel References, Espionage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Section 31, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mychelle_Wilmot/pseuds/Mychelle_Wilmot
Summary: Julian was done with the Section 31 and all their methods, but he agrees to participate in one of their missions when he learns of Garak's involvement.





	it's a fashion with a gun, my love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my gift for the Star Trek Secret Santa 2017 to [reflectedeve](http://reflectedeve.tumblr.com)!
> 
> I apologize for being late, but hopefully this unexpected long story will make up for it. I hope you enjoy this fic!
> 
> An observation: this fic doesn't follow the DS9 novels, but there are some references of the books in this fic, like the fact that Garak sent Julian a giant letter tellling Julian the story of his life (the novel "A Stitch In Time", by Andy Robinson), Garak being an Ambassador, Julian and Ezri breaking up and Ezri switching to Command, Julian being in contact with Section 31, Sisko being returned in time for the birth of his daughter... a few things like this.
> 
> EDIT: originally this work didn't have a beta read, but just a few days after I published this fanfic, [sfumatosoup](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sfumatosoup) very kindly messaged me and offered to be the beta reader of this fic, and I happily accepted! Now this fic was revised by her, and I'm very grateful for it. Thank you! :D

* * *

 

*

           Julian’s entire day was exactly how the previously days of that week had been: boring and quiet.  
  
           He had next to no patients in the sickbay. Julian only attended a few minor incidents with some children and a few officers from the engineering with burned fingertips, and spent the rest of his time finishing overdue paperwork.  
  
           Days like this used to make Julian feel restless, in the need to just do something, to just have a reason to stay on his feet, any reason, but the years of war made him feel more grateful for these days of boredom, where he wouldn't have to see so many people wounded beyond any kind of help he could offer them.  
  
           That was why Julian, coming from a quiet day, had the fright of his life and was barely able to restrain a scream when he entered his quarters to see an unknown man lounging upon his couch.  
  
           “Who - who are you?” Julian’s hand instinctively went to his belt, where he no longer carried his phaser with him.  
  
           “You should think about improving the security of your quarters, doctor Bashir. It was laughably easy to enter here.”  
  
           Julian only stared for a few seconds.  
  
           “You’re from Section 31,” Julian stated flatly.   
  
           The man gave him a pleased smile. He was clad in black, and he didn’t wear any kind of insignia that Julian could see, but he recognized the stillness of a Section 31 operative with ease.  
  
           And the fact that he was dressed like Sloan used to dress was also a pretty decent indicator.   
  
           “Please come in, doctor. We have business to discuss.”  
  
           Unhappily, Julian complied and entered his quarters, the door closing behind him adding to his anxiety. He knew from first hand experience that it was unwise to be alone with a Section 31 operative, but he also knew from experience that the man wouldn’t leave him in peace until Julian heard what he wanted to say.  
  
           “I thought I had made it quite clear that I was done with your agency. I am a Starfleet Officer, a doctor, not one of your men.”  
  
           The man only tsked, not bothering to get up.  
  
           “And I thought you had understood that this is not our way of doing things, doctor.”  
  
           Julian crossed his arms.  
  
           “I won’t work for Section 31 again.”  
  
           “Oh, doctor... our methods may be questionable, but they are effective. You know that better than anyone, I would dare say.”  
  
           Julian didn’t answer.  He knew that the best course of action when dealing with Section 31 was to keep his trap shut and let them do the talking.   
  
           The man seemed to notice his deliberate silence and only shook his head.  
  
           “I think you will like this one. It’s more light-hearted than most of our missions go. It’ll probably be a quick job, nice company. Not that you’re a stranger to it, but I hardly think you’ll need to put your hands on a phaser in this mission.”  
  
           Julian crossed the room until he stood right in front of the man, keeping his expression very serious.  
  
           “Listen very carefully to what I’ll say because I’m not repeating myself. I don’t want to get involved with Section 31 again. I don’t care what this mission is about. I’m not doing it.”  
  
           The man only tilted his head, his face revealing nothing.  
  
           “Come now, doctor - no need to be harsh. It’s a very important mission, but it will be quiet. Nice. Nothing like the last time. And you’re just the right guy for the job.”  
  
           Julian closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
  
           “I don’t know what part of ‘I’m not doing it’ you didn’t understand , but I…”  
  
           “And I particularly think you’ll enjoy the company. You see doctor, this mission is an… unlikely partnership, I think you can call it that. It’ll benefit both sides of this equation.”      
  
           That stopped Julian in his tracks. Section 31 didn’t do partnerships; they worked alone, in the shadows. Julian didn’t like to imagine what kind of trouble would make them willing enough to try and involve any outside organization.  
  
           “A… partnership? With whom?”  
  
           The man grinned broadly, his eyes also reflecting his mirth. Julian had the distinct impression he was laughing at him.  
  
           “Indeed. Section 31 doesn’t like to team up with strangers, but alas, we live in dire times. Not that I suspect you’ll have any particular problem with it, doctor. We happen to know that our new partner and you are on quite friendly terms with each other. A dear old friend, I think that’s what he called you.”  
  
           Julian’s eyes widened a little and he cursed internally. Despite the lack of information, he finally understood who else was involved in this, and he knew it couldn’t be anything good.

  
*

           “Let me get this straight, doctor. You’ll need at least a week of vacation, even if you didn't give me any kind of warning that you would need it, starting tomorrow?”       Julian winced.  
  
           “It doesn’t need to be tomorrow. It can be at the end of this week.”  
  
           Julian had tried to use a playful tone, but judging by the expression in Captain Sisko’s face, he wasn’t successful.  
  
           “Believe me, Captain… I’m not happy about this, ” Julian tried in a more serious tone.     
  
           “Hmm. Neither am I. I don’t like to blindly obey orders from rogue agencies whose goals have caused a lot of damage in the recent past.”  
  
           “I know that, Captain. I don’t trust them, at all. But if what the implied was truth… it’s a situation that needs to be resolved as soon as possible.”  
  
           Some part of Julian still hoped the whole thing would be a great misunderstanding, and that what the man - Carter, as he happily introduced himself to Julian - told him wasn’t going to happen. But if it there was a chance…  this was indeed a situation that should be quickly seen to.  
  
           “If true, this is a very risky situation, yes,” Sisko agreed “But I’m not sure why you are getting involved in this, doctor. I just don’t see why they couldn’t use one of their own agents. Or there is something you’re not telling me?”  
  
           “Of course not.” Julian frowned. “Do you actually think I’m secretly working for them? Do you honestly believe that?”  
  
           Sisko shook his head.  
  
           “Not at all. The time schedule simply wouldn’t be possible, Julian. But I know how these agencies function; they operate in the shadows, and they use fear as a fuel. Are you willing to do this because they were very effective in putting fear into you, doctor?”  
  
           Julian sighed, feeling slighty ashamed of thinking that Sisko was accusing him of being a secret spy when he was apparently just worried about him.  
  
           “They’re not threatening me, Captain. They had other ways to convince me to participate.”  
  
           “Other ways as in telling you of Ambassador Garak’s involvement?”  
  
           Julian sighed, but didn’t answer - he didn’t know what to say.  
  
           Captain Sisko inclined himself on his chair, putting his hands on his desk and crossing them.  
  
           “I understand this is an important mission. We can’t risk having a scandal involving Cardassia and the Federation, not this soon after the war. The idea of a Federation charity colony stealing from the Cardassian people in need is appalling and should be solved quietly. But it doesn’t mean I like the secrecy, or the methods used by Section 31. Nor am I particularly fond of them getting my officers involved with anything that Garak does.”  
  
           “Garak has as much reason to keep this quiet as we do. He knows better than anyone that this is not the time to jeopardize Cardassia’s relationship with the Federation”  
  
           “I don’t doubt his intentions, doctor,” Sisko shook his head “Or his competency in these matters. But Mr. Garak is not known for being a trustworthy man.”  
  
           Julian couldn’t help but smile a little.  
  
           “He would be proud to see you talking about him this way.”     
  
           “Have you kept contact with him at all since the war ended, Doctor Bashir?”  
  
           Julian looked at Sisko; his Captain had spoke in a calm tone and he was still sitting in his chair in a relaxed way, but there was something troubling in his expression, something that Julian couldn’t quite read.  
  
           It had been this way for a while. The Bajoran’s prophets had returned Captain Sisko to the station for more than a year now, just in time for him to not miss the birth of his daughter, for the overwhelming joy and relief of Jake and Kasidy, and every other officer who served on DS9.  
  
           Julian was among them, of course; he had served under Sisko for many years and the captain’s absence was felt by him more than he had imagined. He wouldn’t say that he was a intimate friend of the Captain’s by any means, but he respected him a lot and was happy to see him returned to his family.  
  
           But something was never again the same about Captain Sisko. When he talked with Sisko he still used the same gestures, still spoke in the same way, still was firm when in command and laughed around with his family when he was out of it, but something about him always seemed permanently changed in the captain’s demeanour, something that Julian couldn’t put his finger on.  
  
           It was probably all the time he spent with the wormhole aliens. Or even the war itself; no person was the same after living in the middle of a war.  
  
           “We didn’t see each other since he stayed on Cardassia, but we communicate with each other. He sends me letters with frequency.”  
  
           Julian couldn’t say the same about himself. While he didn’t ignore Garak’s letters, he didn’t answer him with the same enthusiasm or frequency, for no particular reason. Sometimes he just didn’t know what he could possible say - Garak turned out to be much more open when writing than he ever was in the seven years they lived together in the station, and Julian wasn’t sure how to respond to such unexpected openness.  
  
           Sisko only nodded.  
  
           “I suppose it’s a good thing you two are in good terms, considering the nature of this mission.”  
  
           Julian looked away when Sisko said that, trying to not think about it, but Sisko didn’t seem to notice his avoidance.  
  
           “Even so, doctor. Be careful with this mission and its… unorthodox dynamic.”  
  
           Julian shook his head.  
  
           “Garak was my friend. Is my friend. It won’t be that hard to… play it up. Garak has always had a talent for acting.”  
  
           Sisko only stared at him, for so long that Julian had to fight the impulse to shift from foot to foot.  
  
           “No, you’re right” Sisko finally said “It probably won’t be hard for you two to play it up and be convincing.”  
  
           The words were supportive, but somehow Sisko’s belief that he and Garak could be convincing at playing lovers seemed a little questionable to him.

  
*

           Julian had been incredulous when Carter had told him about what he and Garak would have to do in this mission.  
  
           “What kind of… undercover work is this?” He had asked, flustered with the notion of playing couple with his long-estranged friend.  
  
           “It’s not a pleasure planet, doctor,” Carter had shrugged “It’s a colony working for charity purposes. They don’t get many visitors who aren’t Cardassians, or interspecies couples between Cardassians and other species. Ambassador Garak wanted an ally, and we needed a Cardassian to get inside that colony. Seemed like a win-win situation.”  
  
           “And why I’m the perfect agent for this little mission of yours?”  
  
           Carter had the nerve to laugh in Julian’s face.  
  
           “Please. Ambassador Garak is a very well known man these days, doctor Bashir. And while I wouldn’t say it’s a subject of gossip, his close friendship with you didn’t go unnoticed in some corners. No one will bat an eye if you two show up together as a couple. And with him being a known name in Cardassia’s restoration movement and you being a Starfleet doctor, no one will suspect that you two had ulterior motives for a short visit.”  
  
           Julian remembered the feeling of impotent anger of having his friendship with Garak being treated as a useful tool, the cold certainty that he would have to just accept whatever Section 31 wanted him to do.  
  
           “Our close friendship didn’t go unnoticed? What are you even implying here, that we were under surveillance the whole time?”  
  
           Carter’s face spread into an unnervingly wide, toothy grin.   
  
           “Not under surveillance, no. But please, doctor - you are a Human augment, he was a former Obsidian Order operative. You two getting cosy on weekly lunch dates was nothing to be ignored, so we kept an eye on the situation. Which was wise, because now - now this little tête-à-tête between you two will be useful to us.”  
  
           Julian had been even more indignant with the answer but really, what he could do? It was hard to say no to Section 31 when they had so many means of getting someone on board of their little power games.  
  
           So, Julian had reluctantly agreed. He was given very little information about what he would do - apparently Garak was the one who would to tell it to him. All Julian knew was that he was supposed to pass along all the information for Section 31 as soon as they had access to it.  
  
           Julian was given permission to discuss the situation with Captain Sisko so he could have a smooth departure from the station, but he was not given permission to talk about the mission with anyone else, to make the idea of him and Garak having a sudden desire for a romantic getaway together more genuine.  
  
           Which meant that the entire station really thought that he and Garak were going to have a romantic getaway together.  
  
           Julian didn’t know what was worse; there were the indiscreet looks and giggles from the nurses, and there the was incredulous expression that Nerys had started wearing around him; there was the kanar Quark gave him at the bar for a very cheap price (“ _No one buys this stuff anymore and you might as well begin to acquaint himself with Kanar, doctor, because Garak sure can hold his liquor_ ”), or the quiet, clumsy way that Ezri had congratulated him for finally making a move on Garak, after so many years of repression.    
  
           How awkward it was to have your ex girlfriend completely unsurprised and actually happy for you when she heard about you hooking up with an old friend!  
  
           Most of all, it was so weird how well everyone took the news. There was surprise, but the surprise wasn’t that he and Garak were supposedly together, but that they had finally made a move.  
  
           “Honestly, I just thought you two would spend the rest of your lives avoiding the obvious,” Nerys had confessed to him in a very, very awkward conversation they had when she had visited the sickbay.  
  
           Julian wished Miles was there. Miles would probably be either shouting at him or completely dumbfounded by this decision, but his presence would be comforting.  
  
           Then again, it maybe was better that Miles wasn’t there. He didn’t want to imagine what his encounter with Garak would be like.          
  
           While waiting for Garak’s arrival, Julian couldn’t help but fret about the imminent prospect of seeing Garak. The thought filled him with both joy and apprehension; of course he would be happy to finally see Garak after all this time and of course it would be good to have a taste of their friendship once again, but he wished the circumstances were different. That he had more time to process what it would mean to him to see Garak again.  
  
           But Julian was still not sure how to react when Garak’s transport vessel arrived, unsure even as he set his eyes on Garak for the first time in years.  
  
           Garak had not changed much in those few years -  his hair was still styled exactly the same, he still dressed in the same fashion, wearing black and green. He looked so painfully familiar that Julian felt himself get a little choked up over the fact that a piece of his recent past that he never thought he’d see again was standing right before him.   
  
           “Garak,” Julian uttered, the first to speak, the name coming easily to him, just like his smile.  
  
           Garak smiled in kind, softer than he used to.  
  
           “Julian,” he said, approaching him until they were standing in front of each other “My dear, it’s… unspeakably good to see you again.”  
  
           Julian heart warmed at his words and he smiled, comforted to see the sentiment reflected in Garak’s own expression.  
  
           “You too,” he said after too many seconds, Garak’s eyes completely faceted to him and nothing else, as if nothing else mattered in that moment.  
  
           Moving his hands against each other, Julian felt uncertain about what to do. Should he try and hug Garak? Should he do anything to start putting their plan into motion so soon?  
  
           The notion didn’t sit well with him. Plan or no plan, the sentiment in meeting Garak again was genuine. It belonged to them, and it felt wrong to cheapen it with a calculated gesture.  
  
           Fortunately, Garak took the matters in his own hands when he reached forward to briefly squeeze Julian’s shoulder before moving past him.   
  
           “There’s still one hour until the transport leaves again. What do you propose we do, Julian?”  
  
           Julian. Hmm, that was new - Garak didn’t use to call him by his name often, but he supposed it made sense for him to use it now. What lovers called each other by their professional designation?   
  
           “Whatever you want, but I thought you might want to take a tour of the station. To see what you have missed.”  
  
           “Well, that does sound quite dull, but… I suppose there isn’t much one can do in one hour, is there?”  
  
           Garak’s tone was chirpy enough while he spoke, but the words themselves felt strange to Julian’s ear, somewhat strained.  
  
           “No, I don’t suppose there is.”  
  
           Garak didn’t respond to that, and as they walked side by side, Julian couldn’t help but think that never once he had considered the possibility that this could be hard on Garak, too.

  
*

           Walking around with Garak felt weird at first, with him feeling both like a friend and like a stranger. There was a heavy silence between them, and when Garak tried to speak, his words didn’t carry their usual wit.  
  
           Julian was just starting to worry that this newfound awkwardness between them was going to be a problem in the mission when Garak stopped in his tracks. Before he could ask Garak why he stopped, he looked up and saw where they stood - exactly in front of what used to be Garak’s tailor shop.  
  
           “It seems fitting, somehow.”  
  
           Long gone were the clothes and fabrics that used to be in the display. In their place were now rows of flowering plants, since now this was a gardening store, managed by Mrs. Echal, an elderly Betazoid woman who started living at the station shortly after the end of the war. She arrived and still lived alone, and no one asked her about her family - they all remembered far too well what the Dominion had done to Betazed.  
  
           “Fitting?”  
  
           “In another life, I used to be a gardener. Could have been. I have great sympathy for the metier.”  
  
           Julian shook his head.  
  
           “Mrs. Echal runs the business. She’s Betazoid, and I have been told she’s quite the expert. And since Miles and Keiko left, the station’s been quite hard up for a decent botanist until she arrived.”  
  
           Garak turned to him.  
  
           “I imagine you must miss Chief O’Brien’s company very much.”  
  
           Julian smiled a little bitterly.  
  
           “I miss everyone who left, but I’m happy for him. Miles, and Keiko and the children are probably leading better lives now. And Miles has his family to think about. Why would he stick around in a station that more often than not was a war zone?”  
  
           “Why do you?”  
  
           Julian opened his mouth and closed again, frowning. Several different answers came to mind, but all of them seemed pretty weak.   
  
           Keeping their silence, they started to walk once again and left the shop behind.

  
*

           Despite it not being a cheerful conversation, the conversation they had in front of the tailor shop seemed to make things less tense between them. The ease they used to have around each other didn’t come back immediately, but the tension was slowly melting and Garak’s smiles seemed to be less strained at every passing moment.  
  
           But the hour passed by very quickly, and soon enough it was time for them to leave.  
  
           Ezri wanted to come personally to say goodbye to them, but luckily she had a training session during the time. He was grateful for how busy she was now that Ezri had switched to the command division, because he did want to avoid how uncomfortable it would be to stand there between Garak and Ezri.  
  
           Sisko, however, did come by to wish them good luck, to Julian’s surprise.  
  
           “Captain. I didn’t expect to actually see you in such a brief visit. Not that it isn’t a pleasure, of course.”  
  
           “It’s a slow day, the airlock is close. It seemed to be a good opportunity to bid you and the good doctor farewell and good luck.”  
  
           “I… appreciate it, Captain,” Julian said “Thank you.”  
  
           “Likewise, Captain.”  
  
           “I trust, of course, that you will bring back my chief medical officer in one piece, Garak.”  
  
           Sisko had said it in a very casual way, but there was a harshness in his posture that didn’t go unnoticed by Julian, the displeasure of having to obey the demands of Section 31 very evident for him.  
  
           It seemed to be obvious for Garak too, of course.  
  
           “Have I ever done different, Captain?”  
  
           Sisko narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t have any protests - Garak wasn’t lying.  
  
           “No. But I do hope it’s a habit you’re still intending to keep these days, Ambassador. Garak.”  
  
           Julian was starting to feel embarrassed by the focus.  
  
           “Really, Captain…”  
  
           “I understand your concern, Captain,” Garak interrupted him “Trust me, this isn’t a pleasant situation for anyone involved, me included. But I do intend to bring doctor Bashir back to the station entirely intact, wits and all, by the end of this mission.”  
  
           That finally seemed to satisfy Sisko, making him give a tiny, unhappy smile.  
  
           “Glad to see you and I can still see eye to eye, Garak. Doctor, I wish you both well on this mission.”  
  
           “I… thank you, Captain.”  
  
           Sisko had left then, leaving Julian strangely touched by the concern, even as he and Garak boarded the transport ship for the travel to Nyx II.

  
*

           “Why did you even get yourself involved in this mess?”  
  
           “I beg your pardon?”  
  
           Julian sighed, leaning his head in Garak’s direction so he could speak lower.  
  
           “You’re an ambassador now, and from what you have told me, you didn’t seem eager to act as a spy again. Why?”  
  
           “Like I just told Captain Sisko, this isn’t a pleasant situation for me, Julian. I’m not here for nostalgia or boredom, but for necessity.”  
  
           “Surely there were other people you could have entrusted this job to?”  
  
           Garak smiled a little, in that unpleasant way he used to do.  
  
           “Perhaps, however, I stumbled into a rather delicate situation. You see, Julian, Cardassia is much better these days. Much better since your last visit, that is. It’s slow progress but we’re rebuilding steadily and most Cardassians don’t want to even hear about a possible conflict again. But there are always those small factions that think differently. Those who are eager to blame someone. Those who are dying to get their hands bloody again. It was too great a risk to delay this task to someone else and risk this information to become public.”  
  
           Julian opened his mouth to make the other question he had been asking himself for days, but Garak raised a hand.  
  
           “And it’s better if we don’t discuss these matters in public, my dear. You never know who exactly might be listening.”  
  
           “Fine,” Julian sighed “Let’s discuss something else, then. How should I behave myself when we arrive at the colony?”  
  
           “Whatever do you mean?”  
  
           “We should have discussed this sooner, but we are supposed to be a couple, right? How should I behave, then?”  
  
           For Julian it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, but Garak was puzzled.  
  
           “If my memory serves me right you do have some experience with dating, Julian. I do believe your relationship with Lieutenant Dax ended shortly ago? I’m quite sure you are familiar with how people in love behave.”  
  
           Julian glared at him.  
  
           “That isn’t what I mean and you very well know it. Obviously I have experience with dating, but not with dating a Cardassian. Is there something I should do? Something I absolutely shouldn’t do?”  
  
           “Well, you should refrain from any impulse you might have to touch the ridges along my shoulders and neck. It can be considered very inappropriate in public.”    
  
           Julian nodded, trying very hard to not think about how often Garak had touched his own shoulders and neck.  
  
           “And it’s better if we do not engage in effusive demonstrations of affection. Excessively amorous couples are quickly noticed, and we don’t want to invite any extra scrutiny.”  
  
           “So we shouldn’t touch at all?”  
  
           To his own surprise, Julian felt strangely disappointed by the notion.  
  
           “That’s not what I’m saying. We also don’t want to give anyone an impression of coldness, especially when we’re supposed to be in the sweetheart’s phase of this relationship.”  
  
           “Do you think they really are that informed of whatever gossip there is about us?” Julian scoffed.  
  
           “I prefer to never underestimate the knowledge of an enemy if I can,” Garak said.  
  
           “So we should what? Hold hands or something?”  
  
           Garak sighed, as if he was getting annoyed himself.  
  
           “It would be more appropriate if you held onto my arm. Here, in this way.”  
  
           Garak took his hand and placed it on the crook of his own arm, demonstrating what Julian should do.  
  
           It wasn’t exactly the way that he was accustomed to linking arms with someone and Julian’s arm had a little difficulty in staying comfortable in the position, but it was easy enough to do.  
  
           “So, is that it?”Julian asked after a while, unsure if there would be something else.  
  
           Garak used his hand to squeeze Julian’s hands for a moment, letting him go after.  
  
           “I’m sure you can figure out the rest, my dear,” he said and turned to look out his window, putting an end to the conversation.  
  
           Julian turned his attention to his PADD, trying his best to ignore the phantom feeling of Garak’s hand on his skin.

  
*

           Julian wasn't sure of what kind of reception he was expecting on Nyx II, but when he and Garak arrived, they didn’t receive as much of attention as he’d expected, finding it easy to immerse themselves in the crowd without trouble.  
  
           But their visit wasn't completed ignored - they were being expected by a Starfleet officer, a Human woman, command division and with enough pips to be a lieutenant, who quickly introduced herself.  
  
           "Ambassador Garak. And Doctor Bashir, am I right?” Julian nodded “It’s a pleasure to meet you two. I’m Lieutenant Denise Evans, and you may contact me if you should have any questions or concerns.”  
  
           “Thank you, Lieutenant, we will keep that in mind,” Julian smiled pleasantly.  
  
         Evans nodded, and proceeded to take them to the only hotel in the capital.  
  
            “We were flattered when you informed us of your visit, Ambassador, but it was of short notice, so I apologize for not making more preparations.”  
  
           “Nothing to apologize for, I assure you; the fault was really mine.”  
  
           Julian looked around, just observing the planet they had landed. There was only one sun, shining bright; the climate seemed more similar to Bajor than Earth, and there weren’t many buildings around them.  
  
           Not that he expected many, considering that Nyx II was producing organic food and mining raw materials to aid Cardassia Prime in its reconstruction.  
  
           Evans started to speak again, so Julian turned his attention to her.

           “It’ll be a pleasure to show you our efforts in aiding Cardassia Prime, ambassador. But before I can show you anything, I would like to know if there’s something you particularly want to check out.”  
  
           She was not so discreetly asking Garak why he was visiting, and Garak responded with a big, fake smile.  
  
           “Nothing in particular, Lieutenant. My visit here will be brief. It's merely an embassy protocol, and an enjoyable chance to spend some time with my partner.”  
  
           Garak squeezed Julian’s hand - the one holding onto his arm - when he said ‘my partner’. Julian smiled too, trying to appear very casual.  
  
           When Evans spoke again, she addressed them both.  
  
           “As you are aware, this isn’t a vacation colony, so our installations aren’t ideal; nonetheless, we’ll be doing our best to accommodate you two.”  
  
           “And we appreciate it,” Garak said, still wearing a big smile.            
  
           “There’s not many guests currently in our hotel, but those who are staying are mostly Cardassians, with very few exceptions. The Starfleet staff working on Nyx II is mostly formed of Humans and Vulcans, but we have a few others as well.”  
  
           Garak nodded politely at that.  
  
           “Since there’s no need to hurry, we’ll leave you at the hotel and we can schedule a meeting tomorrow if you so desire. Feel free to send any requests, Ambassador.”  
  
           “Rest assured that I will, Lieutenant,” Garak answered lightly.  
  
           After that, Evans didn’t try to make small talk or impose herself in any way - she actually gave them privacy, letting herself fall in step behind them.  
  
           “Will you actually pretend to go to this meeting?” Julian asking, feeling not for the first time that a mission like this shouldn’t be executed with so much improvisation.  
  
           “If I have it my way, of course not. I really don't intend to spend any more time on this planet than I need to. But it's best if such intentions remain only between you and me.”  
  
           Julian shook his head, doubting very much that everything would work that smoothly and tried his best to not show any annoyance, and to show only fond exasperation at Garak’s flippant attitude; it came to him far more easily than he had expected.

  
*

           After a few minutes wandering around the hotel, Julian could see that Evans really wasn’t kidding when she said that most of guests at the hotel were Cardassians.  
  
           Garak and Julian had left their bags in their room (that only had one bed, something that Julian was trying very hard to not think about), they had split ways. Julian really wasn’t happy about it - he wanted to sit down with Garak and actually talk, something that Garak seemed to be trying very hard to avoid.  
  
           No, instead of agreeing to Julian’s very reasonable request of a talk, Garak said it would be best for them to take a look at what the other hotel guests were like - to see if they seemed suspicious somehow.  
  
           “We don’t know how far the corruption goes here. It’s better to keep eyes open in all directions.”  
  
           Julian didn’t want to prioritize this, but eventually agreed. He would confront Garak afterwards, and this time he wouldn’t get away.  
  
           But until then, Julian would walk around the hotel. It was more lush than Julian was expecting it to be, with far more rooms for entertainment than he thought he would find in a place like Nyx II, and all of them were swarming with Cardassians and only a handful of Starfleet personnel walking around.  
  
           Julian intended to make small talk with a few people or maybe some officers, but it wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped. He stuck out like a sore thumb among everyone else, and this focus was exactly the opposite of what he’d hoped for. Everyone he approached just wanted to talk about him, and oh, how exquisite to see a human here, and who is your partner, am I familiar with them?

           Julian wasn’t gaining any useful information.Grumpy with his bad results, he was getting ready to return to his quarters when he bumped into Garak into a corridor.  
  
           Frowning, Julian looked at Garak.  
  
           “Where are you going?”  
  
           Garak seemed more agitated than he was when he had last seen him, but he quickly hid this under an almost believable expression of calm, pleasant surprise.    
  
           “I was looking for you, actually. When you told me you were going to walk around the hotel, I didn’t think you intended to go into every single public room, Julian.”  
  
           “I didn’t have much success, so I thought I would try to broaden my search” Julian answered, annoyed “But that didn’t do me much good either, so I thought I’d just go back to our room.”  
  
           Garak stopped him with a hand on his arm.  
  
           “Actually… I’ll need your assistance with something, and right now would be ideal.”  
  
           Julian didn’t try to break out of Garak’s grasp, but he wasn’t feeling terribly keen on maintaining these strained interactions with the other man for any longer than necess  
  
           “No. I’m going back to our room, and I would appreciate if you came too. We do need to talk Garak, and you know that.”  
  
           Garak sighed.  
  
           “There are still things about this situation you don’t know, Julian.”  
  
           This time, Julian did take his arm out of Garak’s hold.  
  
           “I’m aware of that,” he said, sarcastically “That’s why it would be ideal if you, you know, told me what the hell is actually going on here.”  
  
           Garak approached him again and lifted a hand, as if intending to touch him again, but changed his mind and lowered it again.  
  
           “Julian, come with me now, please. I promise I will come back with you afterwards, and talk about what is happening.”  
  
           Julian wondered how he was even able to forget how infuriating Garak could be when he was up to something, how he could argue and absolutely refuse to give any direct answer.  
  
           A part of him wanted to remain stubborn and refuse to do anything until Garak gave him something, but the other part was curious about what that was about.  
  
           “Did you find out something?”  
  
           Garak shook his head.  
  
           “I can’t be sure, but I have a lead.”  
  
           “Who?”  
  
           “Mrs. Haneri Prin. She’s one of the Cardassian heads of science division on their maintenance program, and I have reason to believe that she knows something, or is somehow involved.”  
  
           “And you want me to… what? Talk to her?”  
  
           “No. I need you to be as charming and distracting as possible for both her and her wife, Gevila. They need to be as distracted as possible.”  
  
           Oh, that didn’t assure him, at all.  
  
           “Garak, what are you going to do?”  
  
           Garak put a hand on the small of his back and started to lead them somewhere.  
  
           “Be assured I will tell you everything, Julian. Eventually.”  
  
           “Can’t you tell me anything right now?” Julian complained “I don’t even know who they are! How am I going to keep them distracted?”  
  
           They stopped in front of a room that didn’t look or smell much different than Quark’s usually did.  
  
           “I’m sure you can improvise very well. I’ve seen it myself, plenty of times.”  
  
           “Garak…”  
  
           “They would be the ones in the second table to the right of the bar counter. Haneri is the one in the blue dress; Gevila would be the one wearing black.”  
  
           “Were you actually stalking them before you found me?”  
  
           Garak didn’t seem impressed by Julian’s remark.  
  
           “Spying comes with a lot of stealth and stalking, my dear. Didn’t your spy holo games taught you that?”  
  
           Julian flushed at that, and couldn’t come up with a remark.  
  
           “Try to distract them for as long as you can. I’ll meet with you when I’m done.”  
  
           “Done with what?”  
  
           “I’ll tell you later!”  
  
           Julian thought about protesting again, but Garak had gone away before he could come up with something.  
  
           Shaking his head, Julian asked himself why he even had missed him.

  
*

           Gevila and Haneri were exactly where Garak told him they would be, so it wasn’t hard to find them when Julian entered the place.  
  
           Even so, he didn’t go to them immediately; he made a show of appearing lost, looking around and turning in different directions before heading to their table, very much hoping that they would be patient enough to talk with him, instead of directing him to look for information from someone else.  
  
           “I, hum, excuse me…” They both looked in his direction, and Julian didn’t need to fake the anxiety he was trying to show “I’m terribly sorry to bother you, but are you residents?”  
  
           Gevila seemed a little baffled at his presence, but Haneri smiled pleasantly.  
  
           “Yes, we are. Are you lost? Are you Starfleet?”  
  
           Julian nodded, smiling in relief.  
  
           “Yes, I’m afraid I’m quite lost. I just arrived today. And yes, I’m Starfleet, but I’m not here as an officer.”  
  
           It was Haneri’s turn to seem confused.  
  
           “Are you part of some embassy?”  
  
           Before Julian could answer, Gevila spoke for the first time.  
  
           “Please, you don’t need to speak standing up, sit down. My name is Gevila, and this is my wife, Haneri. Forgive our manners, mister…?”  
  
           Julian smiled, and sat down in front of them.  
  
           “Bashir. Julian Bashir. I’m a Starfleet doctor, but I’m here as a companion to my partner, Ambassador Garak.”  
  
           Both women were being very careful in appearing neutral, but dropping Garak’s name worked as magic in making them show some reaction, surprise being the predominant emotion.  
  
           “Ambassador Garak is here? I… hadn’t the slightest idea of it,” Haneri said.  
  
           “And I had no idea that the Ambassador wasn’t a bachelor anymore,” Gevila said, looking him up and down.  
  
           Julian laughed, not needing to fake his embarrassment.  
  
           “And I had no idea you two were familiar with Elim,” he said, looking curiously at them.  
  
           Haneri shook his head.  
  
           “We don’t know him personally, mind you. I only saw him in holo videos. But these days it’s impossible to be a Cardassian and not know about Ambassador Garak.”  
  
           “After all, he is one of the main names responsible for the reconstruction efforts of our planet.”  
  
           Julian knew it, of course - he had kept himself up to date in those subjects as well, and Garak had spoken about it in some of his letters - but even so, he couldn’t help but feeling proud at Garak’s achievements.  
  
           “And I had no idea he was involved with a Human,” Gevila said, staring at him “Not that I have anything against it,” she quickly amended when he couldn’t help but look sharply at her.  
  
           “Well, it’s pretty recent,” he said, forcing himself to give her a small smile “Still very new. We were friends for several years before anything happened, so…”  
  
           Julian shrugged, not knowing what else to say. He was trying to make up a convincing lie, but there was too much truth throw into the mix for it.  
  
           “And how did you… get lost?”  
  
           “We split up and I can’t manage to find him. Or where our room is supposed to be.”  
  
           Gevila and Haneri looked at each other.  
  
           “You two don’t need to trouble yourselves. You can only point me directions and I’ll follow it,” Julian tried to assure them with a smile.  
  
           Gevila nodded, but before they needed to do anything, he felt a pair of hands closing onto his shoulders and tried very hard not to jump.  
  
           “My dear. I’ve been looking for you all over,” Garak said, looking down at him.  
  
           “It seems like I’m not going to need directions anymore,” Julian smiled apologetic at Gevila and Haneri.  
  
            Garak looked at Gevila and Haneri with curiosity, as if he hadn’t spent the past hour stalking them.  
  
           Haneri looked at Garak with a polite smile.  
  
           “Ambassador Garak, it is a honour to meet you. I’m Haneri Prin, and this is my wife, Gevila.”  
  
           Garak tilted his head on their direction.  
  
           “A pleasure to meet you both,” he replied politely.  
  
           Haneri nodded.  
  
           “We heard so much about you, Ambassador.”  
  
           Garak smiled slightly.  
  
           “I see my reputation precedes me.”  
  
           “Not for the first time, I’m sure.”  
  
           There was a beat of silence after that, and Julian tried very hard to not tense.  
  
           “I do appreciate your intention to help my partner, but we wouldn’t like to impose any further.”  
  
           Julian stood up.  
  
           “He’s right. Is best if, ehr, if we take our leave. But thank you, for. You know.”  
  
           Haneri smiled, a little confused.  
  
           “I hope we’ll see you around again.”  
  
           “So do we. Er...Until then,” Julian awkwardly excused as Garak tilted his head once again, and they took their leave.  
  
           Julian waited until they had exited the room to turn to Garak.  
  
           “Well?” He glared at him.  
  
           “My dear, you do need to be taught more patience if you are to remain in this business,” Garak sighed “As soon as we get to our room, I promise.”  
  
           Still annoyed, Julian acquiesced and let himself walk back to said quarters without saying anything else.

  
*

           As soon as they had entered the room, Julian turned to Garak.  
  
           “Are you going to tell me why I just had to fake that ridiculously pathetic plight with those two women over there?”  
  
           “Well, Unfortunately it’s quite clearly your poor ability to improvise that’s responsible for your current embarrassment. You have nobody but yourself to blame,” Garak retorted.   
  
           Julian crossed the room in a huff and sat down on the bed, already tired of this conversation before it had begun.  
  
           “Considering I had no idea what I could say, it’s your fault, really. Yours and Section 31’s.”  
  
           Garak was still standing, but he approached Julian.  
  
           “Well. I had borrowed her access key earlier today, but I needed to be sure she would not be around when I tested it.”  
  
           Julian only stared at him. And stared.  
  
           “You stole her access key?”  
  
           “I borrowed it. I already put it back in its place.”  
  
           “Why?”  
  
           “You see, considering the information I uncovered, I had two main suspicions. Not Mrs. Prin, mind you - she wasn’t one of people I thought was involved. And I was right, she is innocent. But her access key had the information I needed to point me in the right direction.”  
  
           Julian just shook his head.  
  
           “This doesn’t make sense. Won’t this little farce make them suspicious of you?”  
  
           “It will make them suspicious of my intentions towards their department, when I don’t have any pretension of finding information in the science department.”  
  
           Well, that did make some sense for Julian, but that wasn’t enough to make him any less annoyed by the situation.  
  
           “You know, this mission barely started but I’m already sick of it. Why won’t you tell me anything? It’s been hours and you still have yet to explain a single thing of any relevance, Garak.”  
  
           Garak stared at him for a very long time before he answered.  
  
           “How are you, Julian?”  
  
           “Excuse me?” Julian frowned, confused.  
  
           “How are you? We didn’t exchange many messages in the past few months. In fact, you still didn’t answer my last letter. I do worry about you, you see. About the tone of your messages sometimes. You used to mention your friends a lot, but it’s been a long time since you talked about Chief O’Brien or the Lieutenant Dax.”.  
  
           Julian blinked at him.  
  
           “What… what does it have to do with anything?”  
  
           Garak didn’t seem fazed.  
  
           “Am I not still your friend? I worry about your well being. And as you have just pointed out, we’ve been together for hours now and you hadn’t heard anything real from me.”  
  
           Julian closed his eyes for a few seconds - trust Garak to always use honesty as a weapon - until he opened them and stared at Garak.  
  
           “I’m as fine as I can be in this moment of my life, yes. No point in talking about Miles when he’s always busy and we can hardly ever talk with each other. Ezri is still a friend, but things are complicated with her after… everything. Is that enough? Can you now tell me something about this mess of situation?”  
  
           Garak kept staring at him, and it was only making Julian more exasperated.  
  
           “God, you’re just loving this, aren’t you? Keeping me in the dark like this?”  
  
           “Do you really think that there’s anything pleasant for me about this?”  
  
           Julian threw his hands in the air.  
  
           “Why else are you doing this? Hell, Garak, give me something here. Anything. Why… why do you even wanted me on this mission?”  
  
           Garak actually laughed at that.  
  
           “My dear, dear doctor… I never wanted you on this mission.”  
  
           Julian felt goosebumps when Garak called him doctor, the word feeling more intimate than every time he had used Julian’s first name so far.  
  
           “Then why did you…”  
  
           “As I have told you, I quite literally stumbled into some suspicious files. Another person probably wouldn’t have find anything amiss, but I’m very careful on those matters and I investigated more.”  
  
           “How did you even had access to these files?”  
  
           “They were embassy files.”  
  
           Julian opened his mouth a little, understanding the situation.  
  
           “You think the corrupt link is part of the embassy.”  
  
           Garak nodded.  
  
           “I may be more well known, but I’m far from the only Cardassian ambassador. I had my suspicions about a few colleagues, but I had nothing until I found those files. And I still wasn't sure, not until I used Mrs. Prin access key to prove my suspicions. And believe me, Julian; I had all intentions of resolving this matter without leaving Cardassia Prime, but somehow I underestimated the Federation’s security… and I was contacted by your Section 31.”  
  
           “They were as suspicious as I was about the situation, but they weren’t happy with my interference. I didn’t trust them to carry this out in Cardassia’s best interest, and they didn’t trust me to carry this out without bringing any damage to the Federation, so they proposed a plan to me. A compromise.”  
  
           And then, Julian finally understood.  
  
           Of course, now everything fell into place. Why should Section 31 bother to give him time and background information if they weren’t really giving him an assignment, but merely using him as an assurance that Garak would behave?  
  
           “They’re using me as a pledge to keep you on your best behaviour.”  
  
           Garak smiled bitterly.  
  
           “It seems my fondness for you is far more well known than I hoped, Doctor. This is really not good for me or for you.”  
  
           The expression on Garak’s face took Julian to many years back, to much grimmer times in a situation who was far worse than the one they had in hand, Garak’s words echoing into his head again.  
  
_Let this be a lesson to you, Doctor, perhaps the most valuable one I can ever teach you: sentiment is the greatest weakness of all._  
  
           “I wish you had told me this before,” Julian sighed, tired; while he was angry at how Section 31 was using him, he was feeling better finally having an understanding of what was going on.  
  
           “And I wish you hadn’t accepted.”  
  
           “I wasn’t going to,” Julian confessed “I only accepted when they told me you were going to be a part of it. I didn’t want you to be alone.”  
  
           And that was the big part of it, after all. While he could admit at least to himself that he got a thrill out of this kind of mission, he wasn’t doing this because he was bored. He was doing this because Garak was involved, Garak who opened up so much to him about his life and what he had done, Garak who didn’t seem to want anything to do with this kind of life anymore and yet here he was, subjecting himself to it for the sake of Cardassia, maybe the biggest love of his life, no matter how many times he only got heartache as a reward in return.  
  
           And maybe… maybe he could also admit to himself that he was doing it so he could see Garak again, so he could get a taste of even a fraction of the defining friendship they’d once shared for so many years.   
  
           Maybe he was doing this because he didn’t know how to answer to Garak’s veiled invitations to Julian to come to Cardassia, but he still knew how to answer to his friend’s call to danger.  
  
           And didn’t that say far more about him than it did about Garak?  
  
           “And around and around we go,” Garak sighed “I had many hopes for the next time I would see you, Julian. There were many things I wanted to show you. But now I can’t really see a point for it anymore.”  
  
           “It doesn’t have to be like this,” Julian immediately protested “There’s nothing stopping us from doing anything after the work here is done.”  
  
           Garak smiled a little, but the look on his face was undeniably sad.  
  
           “There’s always ourselves, Julian. And we are often our own, fiercest enemies.”  
  
           With that, Garak excused himself to the restroom and, taking pity in both of them, Julian didn’t call him back.

  
*

           “You know… I may understand that I’m little more than a sidekick now, but I still don’t want to be kept out of the loop.”  
  
           Many hours had passed since their last confrontation, and they both were once again in the bedroom, now that night had fallen. Garak was sitting down in a chair by the side of a very small desk. When Julian spoke, he lifted his eyes from his PADD.  
  
           “I’m sorry?”  
  
           “For what I gathered, you want to investigate files related to the embassy, right?” Garak nodded “And when are we going to do this? Tonight?”  
  
           “It’s too risky to do this tonight. I don’t want to take an unnecessary risk and trigger an alarm for being in a restricted area.”  
  
           “Won’t it be worst during the day?”  
  
           “Normally, yes. But considering I’m going to access these files from the embassy computers, it would be a little pointless to invade something I already have access to.”  
  
           “Will I have access or are you going to sneak me in? And before you say anything, I still need to send the files to Section 31, so I'm participating.”  
  
           Garak didn’t even try to give a token protest.  
  
           “I’ll sneak you in. It can be potentially tricky, but I’m rather good at these things. You know, Doctor, you have to learn more patience. A mission is not always about rushing in when you can, sometimes is just waiting a long time until it’s time to act.”  
  
           Julian smiled a little at Garak’s words but didn’t say anything, feeling happier now that he and Garak had talked about what was happening, despite the still existing tension between them.  
  
           Tension seemed to also cling to Garak’s face and making him appear older than he really was. If he was going to make a guess, he would say that this situation with him wasn’t the only thing keeping those lines in Garak’s expression.  
  
           “How are you, Garak?”  
  
           Garak seemed taken aback in having his earlier question being throw into his face, but he recovered quickly.  
  
           “I can think of several things that could be improved, but I suppose I can’t really complain. I am more fortunate than most of my compatriots..”  
  
           Julian inclined his back more firmly against the wall.  
  
           “And is that all? I also worry about you, Garak. You see, it’s disarming to receive your beautifully long letters, where you share more with me in written words than you ever did in the seven years you lived on the station. It makes me worried about what is going on with you.”  
  
           Garak had narrowed his eyes, and Julian could sense that he was about to get very defensive.  
  
           “I don’t mean to sound sarcastic, all right? I mean what I said. I don’t know what to do or what to say when you speak to me the way you do in your letters. It’s like getting to know a new you that I never knew existed.”  
  
           “I thought you were so keen for honesty from me, Doctor, pretty hypocritical considering the secrets you kept to yourself so well over the years.”  
  
           Julian swallowed, trying very hard to keep his temper at check - something that was always very hard to do when someone barbed him about his genetically engineered past.  
  
           “Would you stop that? I’m not trying to pick a fight with you!”  
  
           “No, of course not,” Garak sneered “What you want is honesty, right? How I’m really feeling?”  
  
           “Yes!” Julian couldn’t stop his voice from rising.  
  
           “That’s not what you want at all, my dear Doctor Bashir,” Garak said, in that terrible, terrible way he used to speak when he was angry “What you want is for me to give you an answer that will preserve your peace of mind. That will comfort you with the knowledge that I’m still the same man you knew, and I’m terribly sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have this kind of answer to give you.”  
  
           Julian felt ready to start shouting, so he breathed deeply once, twice.  
  
           Garak was just trying to make him angry, that was all, and Julian wasn’t going to fall for it. There wasn’t any truth in what he had said. That was surely not what Julian was trying to do.  
  
           Was it not?  
  
           Busy with his own inner questions, Julian didn’t say anything else, and Garak seemed happy enough to let the silence stretch between them for the rest of the night.  
  
           And Julian really wasn’t ok with that.  
  
           “What are you doing?”  
  
           Garak sighed in a very, very annoyed way, and Julian decided to not let this escalate into another fight.  
  
           “I mean right now. In your PADD.”  
  
           “I’m just checking the design of the Embassy building, so we won’t have any trouble tomorrow.”  
  
           “Didn’t you do that already?”  
  
           “And yet here I am, doing it again.”  
  
           Julian sighed. He wasn’t going to lose his patience again.  
  
           “We’re going early tomorrow, right?” Garak nodded “Maybe we should try to get some sleep. Come to bed.”  
  
           Garak stilled.  
  
           “You can take the bed, Julian. I will…”  
  
           “You will what? Sleep on the chair? Remain awake?” Julian shook his head “Come on. Don’t make things harder than they have to be.”  
  
           Garak didn’t move.  
  
           “I don’t want to make you even more uncomfortable,” Garak said. Than you already are was left unsaid, but Julian understood it as well.  
  
           “I’m not uncomfortable. Well, not about sharing the bed anyway. Come on.”  
  
           Garak shook his head, but he must have considered it a lost battle, because he got up from the chair, and Julian allowed himself to give a tiny, encouraging smile.

  
*

           In retrospect, maybe insisting to share a bed with Garak wasn’t the most brilliant idea that Julian ever had.  
  
           He wasn’t thinking about much at the time - he was just tired and didn’t want to give an opportunity for any more discussion. There was a little awkwardness as he and Garak settled side by side in the bed, but Julian was mostly able to ignore it until he fell asleep.  
  
           But it was impossible to ignore Garak’s proximity when he woke up in the middle of the night just to find out that he had trapped Garak into his arms with practically all his limbs.  
  
           Garak who was, blissfully, still asleep.  
  
           Julian was feeling more than mildly embarrassed by his lack of manners in sharing a bed with a friend, more so because he was feeling extremely conscious of how close their bodies were, extremely conscious of how his skin felt pressed to Garak’s in such an intimate way.  
  
           Besides his embarrassment, there was also the dilemma of deciding if he should move or not. On one hand, it was more than a little nice to be cuddled this close to Garak, and he was probably going to wake anyway if Julian tried to disentangle himself.  
  
           But on the other hand, it didn’t feel fair to be this close to the man when he wasn’t awake, and there was the risk of Garak waking up and finding them like this…  
  
           Resigning himself to it, Julian started to put space between them in a very, very slow way, hoping that he wouldn’t wake Garak.  
  
           Julian thought it had worked and he had already returned to his previous position by Garak’s side when he heard Garak’s voice, no signals of sleepiness on it.  
  
           “Problems sleeping, Julian?”  
  
           “Not usually, no,” Julian sighed “I’m sorry I woke you up.”  
  
           “Don’t trouble yourself; I’ve been awake for a while. I’m used to just a few hours of sleep.”  
  
           That means that… oh.  
  
           “I’m sorry,” Julian felt himself blushing “I’ve been told I tend to cling on my sleep.”  
  
           Julian heard Garak sigh in the dark.  
  
           “Stop apologizing for things you did while unconscious, my dear.”  
  
           Julian was still feeling self conscious when Garak next spoke.  
  
           “It was actually quite comfortable. It’s been… a long time since someone touched me in this way.”  
  
           For an instant, Julian thought about not answering; maybe he could fake sleepiness and pretend he didn’t listen. He was pretty sure that Garak would let him get away with it.  
  
           But then again… how long have he been running away from facing this? How many years he would still waste asking himself questions without answers when he finally had Garak there, right by his side, willing to speak in a way that he never was before?  
  
           “In what way?”  
  
           A beat of silence - maybe Garak was surprised that he was still speaking.  
  
           “Without hatred,” he spoke at least.  
  
           “With love,” Julian corrected him.  
  
           Julian was sure Garak heard him, but he kept himself silent this time, maybe also hoping to escape the conversation.  
  
           “What do you feel for me, Garak?”  
  
           Julian could hear the surprise when Garak took a sharp breath, but he still took his time to answer.  
  
           “I thought I had made it quite clear over the past few years.”  
  
           “No. No, in fact, you did nothing except keep me very confused about pretty much everything involving you, Garak,” Julian was keeping his voice firm but low. Calm, but insistent in getting something from the man, “Can we… can we speak freely? Just once?”  
  
           “I did everything short of spelling it out for you, Julian.”  
  
           There was definitely a layer of irritation on Garak’s voice, now.  
  
           “I told you extensively about the way I feel. Maybe more than I have ever told any other person. I told you about how much you changed my world, about how you were the only source of light for me during those terrible, lonely years on that godforsaken station. Must I really spell it out so blatantly just to allow you to properly reject me?”  
  
           “Excuse me, but I have never rejected you,” Julian protested “There wasn’t anything for me to reject when you had never said anything!”  
  
           “Your polite silence and capacity for ignoring what you don’t want to face... it’s more powerful than any ‘no’ you could give me, Julian.”  
  
           “Oh, this is bullshit,” Julian snapped “The only time you started opening up to me was when you were living on another planet! How was I supposed to guess before? How am I supposed to react now? For all I could guess you were only telling me about feelings you once had, but I can never be sure, because there’s never enough to be sure about when it comes to you!”  
  
           Julian still couldn’t see Garak, but he could hear him perfect well now - could sense his irritation, could hear how his pulse and his breathing pattern were becoming more agitated.  
  
           “Sometimes there’s nothing better for one to find perspective than time and distance,” Garak said, trying to sound calmer “And it was the case with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say.”  
  
           God, why did everything have to be this way with this man? Why could they never have anything simple?  
  
           “And is it the case, Garak? Do you still…” Julian hesitated “Like me?”  
  
           An annoyed hiss was all the warning that Julian got before he was being grabbed by the arms and being fiercely kissed.  
  
           Julian had thought about kissing Garak on more than one occasion but the reality felt different than Julian had thought. There was roughness in Garak’s movements, but sweetness in the way his lips moved over Julian’s, desperation in the way he was being clutched, and suddenly Julian was aching to see his face.  
  
           Far sooner than he would have liked, Garak pulled back.  
  
           “Yes, you infuriating, stubborn, insistent creature, I still love you. Despite my best judgment and despite how long it’s been, it’s still your face I see when I close my eyes. It’s still your voice I hear in my thoughts; it’s still your company I desire. Now tell me, Doctor, is that all you wanted to hear? Is that enough to give you certainty about my dubious, treacherous feelings?”  
  
           Garak had practically spat the words, and it was unfair of him to do so; Julian was still dazzled by the kiss, and in no way ready to respond to the wild intensity of Garak’s words and feelings, and silence was the only answer he could give.  
  
           “That’s what I thought,” Garak said, and the bitter disappointment in his voice hurt Julian to his core.  
  
           “Garak…”  
  
           “Don’t,” Garak snapped, but when he spoke again, it was in a more controlled manner. “Please don’t. If you ever held even the smallest affection for me as your friend, don’t say anything.”  
  
           There was too much Julian wanted to tell him, but the words felt stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t articulate any of the things he wanted to say, even if he felt his eyes watering when Garak lay down again, giving up anything Julian could say.  
  
           Following his example, Julian lay down too, feeling the words _I’m not rejecting you_ trapped down his throat until he fell asleep.

  
*

           Julian felt that waking up and talking with Garak and planning with him in the next morning was nothing short of pure hell.  
  
           Not really because of Garak, even if he was being infuriating in pretending that nothing had happened, acting chirpy and as normal as he could, so normal that a part of Julian wondered if he had dreamed about their late night conversation and kiss. But most of him was painfully aware that what happened last night was very real, and that was the real stressing part of the day.  
  
           How could he concentrate when all he wanted was to sit down with Garak and talk with him, this time at the light of the day, with time to sort out his thoughts?  
  
           But there was no time for that, clearly. At least not for Garak - any suggestion, any insinuation that Julian made that they could delay the plan was immediately rejected.  
  
           “The soon we finish it here, the better. I can’t afford to spend long away from Cardassia, Doctor,” Garak had said, icily “And I would rather to avoid suspicion.”  
  
           Julian had seen that he would not convince Garak of anything else, so he had agreed, thinking that they would still have time after the mission.  
  
           And so Julian made his best efforts to ignore what happened last night as well, as they made their way towards the Embassy building, early enough that there weren’t many people on the streets, but late enough to not be questionable. The building was close to the hotel so it was a short walk.  
  
           It was easy enough for Garak to pass in the lobby - Garak had a permit, after all. Julian wasn’t allowed in at first, but Garak quickly intervened.  
  
           “Besides being with me, my partner here happens to be Starfleet,” Garak put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at the man at the reception “He has a free pass to walk around this building.”  
  
           Julian really didn’t, but that seemed to be enough and he was allowed to pass.  
  
           “That was a close call,” Julian whispered “What if he wouldn’t let me pass?”  
  
           “That wouldn’t be a problem, believe me. I always have my methods to convince people to do things they aren’t willing to do, Doctor.”  
  
           Julian lifted his eyebrows.  
  
           “I’m not sure I even want to know.”  
  
           “Wise of you, Doctor. You are learning, after all.”  
  
           Julian shook his head, fighting a little smile.  
  
           Once inside, there wasn’t much too see - the building was similar to the many Starfleet corporate buildings Julian had seem, just smaller than it normally was, but it made sense in a place like Nyx II.  
  
           There were only a handful of people walking around, and while Garak attracted a few looks, no one looked twice at Julian, what suited him just fine.  
  
           While they were still on their room, Garak had showed him where exactly they were going to head on the building and Julian had memorized it, so they were able to find the room without any trouble.  
  
           Garak needed to use his access key again, for both him and Julian. It was clearly a restricted place, but the security was nearly laughable.  
  
           “They don’t expect to get trouble in a small planet like this,” Garak said, turning on a computer terminal “Even if they are searching for trouble.”  
  
           Julian looked at the door, trying to listen if there was someone coming their way, but there was only silence.  
  
           “This floor should remain empty for the next hour or so, judging by their schedule. Do you think it’s enough time for you to get what we need?”  
  
           Garak didn’t take his eyes off the screen.  
  
           “Plenty of time. As I said, they weren’t investing too much in security. They were really counting on the isolation of this place as protection.”  
  
           “Well, it was working for them. It worked for a long time, probably.”  
  
           “It would work for even more time if I wasn’t the one looking into those files. Other ambassadors wouldn’t know the discrepancy of what they were looking for.”  
  
           Julian nodded and after that they remained in silence. Julian kept himself on guard, observing to see if they would remain alone, but the only sound he heard was coming from Garak.  
  
           After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, Garak called him.  
  
           “I think you’ll want to see this, my dear.”  
  
           Approaching him, Julian saw what Garak has been working on; there was a two page list full of names and numbers.  
  
           “This is the list of people involved?” Julian frowned “There’s far more names than I thought it would be.”  
  
           “There’s far more names than I expected to know on this list, and it troubles me far more,” Garak shook his head “But it’s hardly surprising.”  
  
           “Most of those are Starfleet. They should know better.”  
  
           Garak smiled a little.  
  
           “I don’t know if I feel touched or exasperated seeing you clinging to your optimistic views, Julian.”  
  
           “I’m not clinging to anything. I just thought they would be better than to steal from a charity cause.”  
  
           Garak didn’t answer anything, but he wouldn’t need to - Julian was quite familiar with his opinion on the subject.  
  
           “How long do we still have?”  
  
           Garak checked what time it was.  
  
           “Half an hour, at most. I think it’s the best if you send this information to your superiors now.”  
  
           Julian nodded and took a hold of his PADD - he hadn’t come to his mission only to be a bargaining chip to guarantee Garak’s good behaviour, after all - and started downloading the file that Garak had retrieved, only to send it to Carter’s contact.  
  
           Julian and Garak kept staring at the PADD, to see if there was going to be an answer, and they didn’t need to wait more than only a couple of minutes. Julian received a text that reads Good job. Keep this level of efficiency and you’ll go far, doctor ;), and only a few seconds later, the whole exchange was deleted and Carter’s contact was gone from his PADD.  
  
           “Well. Our work is done here.”  
  
           Garak started to shut down his computer terminal.  
  
           “Is that just it?” Julian said, slightly bewildered that it was that easy.  
  
           Garak laughed at that, not in a mocking way, but not in a kind way either.  
  
           “I know what your culture’s vision in books and holo films are about espionage, Doctor, but a good day of work occurs when there are not any disturbances.”  
  
           Julian rolled his eyes, and waited until Garak was finished; despite what he thought of Julian’s expectations, the only thing he wanted was for them to get out of there as peacefully as they had entered.  
  
           “What do you think will happen with those people?”  
  
           “Well, that’s for your agency to decide.”  
  
           “They’re not my agency.”  
  
           Garak sent him a look.  
  
           “They’re not, alright?”  
  
           “Whatever makes you sleep better at night.”  
  
           Julian crossed his arms, leaning a little against the wall.  
  
           “But what do you think will happen?”  
  
           “My guess it’s they will be somehow punished. Put into other colonies, maybe permanently removed of this line of work. But if you’re worrying that they’ll be killed… don’t lose any sleep over it. There are too many names for them to consider it an option.”  
  
           Julian wasn’t about to say it, but he was worried about it - the war had hardened many things about him, but he wasn’t about to view life as something disposable.  
  
           Garak finally shut down the computer he was using, and turned to Julian.  
  
           “This is a hard life to live, Julian. I have no idea that you are capable of doing it, but if you would accept an old friend’s advice… get away while you still can.”  
  
           Julian couldn’t find any words to answer to that, but he nodded, softly, hoping that at least this was something that Garak could understand about him without so many misunderstandings getting in the way.

  
*

           They had exited the building without any trouble, and they even reached the hotel with no signal of anything being discovered.  
  
           Julian was almost considering the whole thing a success, but before they could get into their hotel room, they were stopped by a familiar face.  
  
           “Ambassador, Doctor. I wonder if I could have a minute of your attention?”  
  
           It was Evans.  
  
           Garak was taken aback, but he recovered quickly.  
  
           “I’m afraid this isn’t the best of times, Lieutenant.”  
  
           Evans only approached them even more.  
  
           “I won’t take much of your time. Walk with me?”  
  
           After exchanging a look, Julian and Garak started to walk with her around the corridor.  
  
           Evans didn’t seem nervous or particular troubled. Whatever happened, she was clearly keeping her cool and walking as normal as she had walked yesterday.  
  
           She seemed to be expecting them to talk, but since they kept their silence, she started to speak.  
  
           “I’ll be frank with you two because I don’t like to play games, and I’ll appreciate it if you are honest with me, too.”  
  
           “I’m always honest, Lieutenant,” Garak said, and if Julian didn’t know him, he might have believed his earnest expression.  
  
           “Despite your words yesterdays, I received no indications that you want to talk with any of the other ambassadors or the workers of Nyx II.”  
  
           “Well, I did change my mind. I don’t think there’s need for a reunion, after all; a simple visit to the Embassy building was most revealing to me.”  
  
           Evans narrowed her eyes.  
  
           “You don’t say. You know what I did receive indications of? That you two were walking around, asking strange questions and poking your noses into places you shouldn’t have been. Based on this, I have to ask: why are you two here?”  
  
           Garak smiled in a big, open way, and Julian could almost smell the lie he was going to tell. Part of him wanted to see what he would come up with, but mostly he just wanted to end this situation.  
  
           “I would stay out of this if I were you, Lieutenant.”  
  
           Garak shot him a surprised look, but Evans only seemed outraged.  
  
           “I… excuse me?”  
  
           “Our business on this planet doesn’t affect you.” And it didn’t; Evans wasn’t one of the names on the list “And the nature of said business will remain confidential.”  
  
           Evans shook her head.  
  
           “I’ll be obliged to take this to my superiors if you don’t give me any answers.”  
  
           Garak tutted.  
  
           “I wouldn’t do that. You may not be involved in some of the things my partner and I uncovered, but most of your superiors certainly are.”  
  
           Evans opened her mouth to say something else but shut it again, frowning.  
  
           “What do you mean?”  
  
           “You’ll discover soon enough. But think, Lieutenant… you don’t even need to tell us. But did you ever have any reason distrust your superiors? To doubt their reasoning, their attitudes?”  
  
           “If you had, rest assured that your doubts weren’t without reason. And rest assured that all will soon be resolved.”  
  
           Evans kept looking between him and Garak; it was clear that what they’d said was making an impression, but Julian had no idea what they would do if she decided to not let them go.  
  
           After a very long pause, Evans took a deep breath and once again assumed a firm stance.  
  
           “Regardless, I will have to inform my superiors of your suspicious conduct. It’s part of my duty as an officer, Doctor. I’m sure you understand.”  
  
           Julian’s heart sank. Section 31 didn’t want them hanging around the planet once the mission was done; they wouldn’t react well when they knew they were held for further questioning.  
  
           “I understand, of course,” Julian sighed.  
  
           Evans nodded.  
  
           “That’s what I will do, gentlemen. In exactly one hour.”  
  
           Julian only stared at her, surprised.  
  
           “I’ll see you both in one hour. If you two are still on the planet, that is.”  
  
           With that, Evans walked away, leaving them alone on the corridor.

  
   *

           Exiting Nyx II was a rushed affair for Julian and Garak, but a rather simple one.  
  
           They hadn’t brought much luggage for starters, and they had kept their few belongings relatively tidy, so it was easy enough to pack and enter in the first transport vessel that was leaving the planet.  
  
           Not forty minutes had passed since their encounter with Evans and they were already on their way to Deep Space Nine.  
  
           And once they were on their way, all the tension between them that they had doing their best to ignore seemed to resurface.  
  
           Garak seemed to be content to stare at the window for the rest of the course and ignore everything, but Julian was so tired of ignoring this, so tired of many years dancing around each other.  
  
           “I wasn’t rejecting you, you know.”  
  
           Garak absorbed his words in silence, a soft sigh the only indication that he heard his words.  
  
           “I always accuse you of never being honest, but I suppose I’m not an example of honesty, either. Neither of us was ever very good at this.”  
  
           “We don’t need to speak further on the subject,” Garak replied flatly, still not looking at him.  
  
           “But we need. Garak… look at me. Please.”  
  
           Garak took a long time to do so, but he eventually did as Julian asked.  
  
           “What do you feel for me, Julian?” Garak asked, throwing Julian’s own words back at him.  
  
           Julian swallowed, trying very hard to not let himself be overcome by his own emotions.  
  
           “You are… you are one of best friends. You’ve been a part of my life for a very long time, and even if I don’t demonstrate it, I feel your absence very often. And I… I think I love you, too. No, scratch that. I don’t ‘think’. I do love you.”  
  
           Garak didn’t say anything, only kept staring at him, neither believing nor doubting him.  
  
           “Garak, I love you.”  
  
           This time Garak closed his eyes, his face finally showing an emotion that Julian could understand.  
  
           Hope.  
  
           He leaned in Garak’s direction and kissed him.  
  
           This kiss was a complete opposite to the one they had shared last night; it was soft and sweet, with no rush, no roughness, even if it still carried a hint of desperation. Julian didn’t mind; he could touch now, run his fingertips in the scales of Garak’s face, open his eyes and see what was like to kiss him during the daytime, even under those artificial lights.  
  
           It seemed a long time had passed before they pulled apart, and even longer before Garak spoke.  
  
           “This is extremely foolish, Julian. For both of us.”  
  
           Julian grinned.  
  
           “When have you ever known me to be anything but foolish?”  
  
           Garak smiled a little, but didn’t deny the sentiment.  
  
           “You know, Captain Sisko gave me a lot of free time. More than I asked for. This mission is already completed, but I still have two weeks of vacation left, and it seems a shame to waste it.”  
  
           “I would say so, yes,” Garak was doing his best to appear nonchalant, but being so close to him Julian could see the traces of anxiousness.  
  
           “I think I could put this time to good use. I think… we could do this.”  
  
           Julian lifted one of his hands and placed it on Garak’s cheek.  
  
           “I want to do the things you say in your letters. I want you to show me your Cardassia.”  
  
           When Garak leaned in for a hungry kiss Julian was ready, hoping that somehow this would be their future, that somehow they could work it out, that defying all possibilities, they would be able to make it and be happy.  
  
           And in that moment, he had no doubts that they would be.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic is 100% random and comes from the song Love My Way by Psychedelic Furs. It's a great song and you should hear it :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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